Monday, December 5, 2011

Life....It Ain't Easy


I wrote this post a few days ago but wasn't ready to share it just yet--

I haven't talked about it too much on here, but this pregnancy has been a roller coaster from 20 weeks on. First it was a concern about chromosomal abnormalities (now gone), then an issue with bunny's heartbeat which led to me cutting out all caffeine. After that, there were concerns about preeclampsia, and today I found out that I have gestational diabetes as well. Sometimes it feels like just when I've adjusted to one piece of news, another one is hitting me.

One of the hardest parts of infertility was accepting that something so easy for other people was so difficult for me. I was so angry about potentially doing IVF--it just did not seem fair that I would have to jam needles in my stomach once a day to get pregnant while other people had honeymoon babies. And of course, it really isn't fair. Lately, I've struggled a little with feeling frustrated that my body has made this pregnancy so complicated while other people have an uneventful nine months. I worry that bunny will be somehow worse off for growing inside me of all people.

But I try to remember this: that going through the pain of infertility is probably the best training to be grateful for a challenging pregnancy. That I'm so, so thankful to be pregnant even if I have to eat nothing but spinach for the next few months (kidding! Or at least I hope so!). That life may not be fair, but as unfair-ness goes, I'm hardly in the worst position. (Although I will add that it still boggles my mind that people have babies doing something actually fun!)

So I'm keeping my eye on the ball--one happy, healthy little baby coming up right up, G-d willing:)



27 comments:

  1. thanx for sharing with us. life is always a challenge. we only become better people for it. good luck.

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  2. Keshet - I'm a follower of your blog, and I happen to be infertile. Somehow... three years after ending all infertility treatments (ending with three rounds of IVF), I've found myself pregnant. And the challenges are astonishing. So far I've been told that I'm going to miscarry three different times. G-d has chosen to bless us with this miracle baby, and as my husband says "the doctors just don't know how to deal with miracles."

    Anyway... as a person who has gone through fertility challenges, you can't help but questions every single thing that is happening to your body. We don't have the advantage of being blissfully ignorant.

    Just know that you're already being an amazing Mom, just by taking care of yourself. And, spinach is pretty tasty. :)

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  3. Aw. :( Sending you lots of love. As you may or may not remember I had a lot of "issues" with my pregnancies, but it's so funny...they are barely a memory now that I have my two amazing kiddos! And it will be the same with you. Bunny will come and all the pain and frustration will magically disappear...and you will know that you would do it all over again (every last part of it) because the end result is so incredible. :)

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  5. Hi! I am sorry to hear things are difficult. No ..life is not fair. Its actually everything opposite than that. I am sending you my wishes for a better few weeks ahead. I just want you to remember something every time you get some not so happy news and when it all gets too much.Just think of the sentence you said "I am thankful to be pregnant".

    I have not had fertility issues. I have 2 girls, and infact they were conceived miraculously on the 1st go. So I always naively thought that kids were just my given right! That I could have them all the time..Now? we have been trying for the 3rd for 2 years now and a few complications in the middle and lets just say its not happening.

    Just hang in there. God works in mysterious ways. Always remember that.

    Take care and hope it all eases for you a bit.

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  6. You are certainly right, life is not fair. Here's hoping that it will be smooth sailing from here on out. BTW...you are adorable pregnant! :)

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  7. Keshet - all the struggles will make you cherish your little sweetheart even more. Really hope it gets easier and gentler for your travel down the pregnancy road xxx

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  8. Keshet, this was hard for me to read because you ARE in fact pregnant and will have your angel very shortly. I am angry every day about my infertility, so I know exactly how you feel about life not being fair. But, I have friends who spent $70K on IVF treatments to get pregnant and never did. I can't imagine how they feel. I think that we need to put it in perspective here.

    Just focus on the end result, your sweet baby being in your arms shortly & I will continue to pray for a safe & easy end to your pregnancy!

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  9. Aw, hugs to you! Having been in similar shoes, I can sympathize! I had GD, too, and delivered at 33 weeks not due to labor, but to pre-e. You will get through this, and Bunny will be just perfect. Please let me know if you have any questions.

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  10. I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties. I had preeclampsia, it was no fun and pretty stressful. All I can say is you and your little bunny are in my thoughts and prayers. Once you can hold that little bundle in your arms, trust me, all the fears just melt away!

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  11. Bunny wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you! I hope things get better, but even if they don't you can do this!

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  12. Ah, Keshet.. hugs to you. It's not fair, indeed, but you're right.. it does help you appreciate the pregnancy even more. We went through a difficult time too recently, and I'm not sure that we'll ever be fully healed. :(

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  13. Keshet - You have much love and support around you, and we are so proud of you for making the small sacrifices need to bear testimony to this miracle in your life. Life is about hard decisions, true sacrifice, and it may seem unfair. All life is like that for everyone whether someone struggles with infertility, making ends meat, or just putting food on the table. Life can be a struggle at times. I'm glad that you are taking good care of yourself and sweet Bunny, and I look forward to seeing the memories that your family will create once Bunny is here and well. You are truly blessed.
    Gabi from Savannah, TX

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  14. {{{hugs}}} It DOES seem like things have been rough for you. As I read your post I kept coming back to this sentence: "Sometimes it feels like just when I've adjusted to one piece of news, another one is hitting me." Perhaps this difficult pregnancy is also preparing you because that is also what motherhood itself feels like! (I hope that doesn't sound condescending, as that is not my intent.) I think you are going to be an awesome mom!

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  15. Sorry to hear that you've been facing so many challenges with this pregnancy. Hang in there! You will make it through, and it will all be worth it in the end.

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  16. You certainly have faced your challenges, and it's completely natural to feel put out by what seems to come so easily to so many other women. Hang in there.... your challenges will be forgotten when you have your little bundle of joy in your arms, and the bond you'll have with that baby will be intense and all kinds of wonderful. Praying for you. xoxox

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  17. You have earned the right to complain, with everything that you've been through. The important thing is that you stay focused on the prize, which you are doing. Before you know it, that sweet babe will be here, and you won't remember anything, but how sweet s/he is! Hang in there my friend!!!!

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  18. It will be so worth it in the end, my friend. Just focus on that part. Someday you will be grateful that little bunny helped you kick the caffeine addiction, right? I know this journey is tough and you are already so appreciative of it all, but you are never given more than you can handle. it just stinks sometimes to be trusted so much. XOXOXO

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  19. Oh, Keshet... I don't really know what to say... I'm so sorry. Can't wait for bunny to arrive and have all this behind you. I'm sure the moment you hold bunny in your arms, you'll forget about everything you had to go through...
    Recently I've discovered how bad times in our lives make us stronger and eventually, so, so much happier. Those times are a part of our lives and it's so hard to remember it when we go through them, but in the end, they are what make our lives so much richer.
    Hang in there... & Tons of hugs, Keshet!!! xoxo, Efrat

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  20. I'm so sorry it's been so hard for you Keshet. These next 2 months are going to go so fast. You and your little Bunny will be in my thoughts and prayers :)

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  21. I'm sorry I missed this post earlier. I know EXACTLY how you feel- after years of dilly dallying and putting it off, my husband and I decided to have a baby. The pregnancy was going along normally till about month 4 when the doctor spotted a "large" abnormality in the ultra sound. What followed was months of conjectures from medical experts on whether my daughter had genetic issues or heart issues or both. I was told I may need to consider termination which made me so angry I switched doctors TWICE. No one could give me a definite answer- even the tests were just a series of percentages and possibilities so I dug in and ignored all the "advice". My instincts which told me she was going to be fine (I am a proud pessimist) and guess what? She's 2 and a half now and she's AWESOME- no problems at all. Well, she does like to jump on sofas...
    She couldn't breast feed because my milk aggravated the medical issue that she had in utero (whoo boy talk about GUILT!!) but even that cleared up after month 8. Some Moms have a harder time but all the more to appreciate the cutie patootie when he or she shows up. Hugs!

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  22. I just want to give you a big hug my friend! I know this is hard and it so sucks watching others as it seems they almost skate thru life and that life goes under appreciated. Believe me your sweet little one is going to be so worth every needle jab all the heart ache and pain it took to conceive and get thru these 9 months! you'll love & be grateful for every little thing sweet little bunny does more then any first momma will. All things happen for a reason fair or unfair its all part of the plan but during those unfair parts it's ok just to take a moment or a few and scream, cry, or whatever it is that makes you feel better then pull yourself up push on & make the best of it cause it won't last forever. HUGs~MK

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  23. So sorry to hear about your trials with not only getting pregnant but also with the pregnancy.
    Just take care of yourself...and before you know it, you will be holding your beautiful baby in your arms and forgetting all the hardships along the way :)
    Hugs

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