Today is Tisha B'av--the saddest day of the year in the Jewish calendar. I wrote about it last year here.
Tisha B'av is a hard day because it demands that I stare the truth in the face--that I am mortal, my beloved husband is do, and--hardest of all--my sweet baby girl. It is a terrifying reminder to take nothing for granted, because in exile, nothing is guaranteed. This is the day each year when I force myself to look at things I'd rather pretend didn't exist, things that will make me sad.
I spent a lot of time this year thinking about the story of this beautiful girl:
which you can read all about on her parent's blog right here. I had been afraid to look too much, because truthfully, their reality is my worst nightmare. Last night, as I read through blog posts and pored over videos of Ayelet happy, laughing hysterically just like my Ellie did on Friday, my heart broke. But as I think about it today, maybe our hearts need to be broken, just a little bit. Otherwise, we'll leave the bereaved all alone, because their pain scares us too much. And we'll live in the world unaware of just how fragile everything is, and consequently just how beautiful.
So today, I'm pausing my everyday life, ignoring the unpacked boxes and the packed calendar and all the little details that can distract me. I'm thinking about Ayelet, and about what really matters.