It's a heavy word. And honestly, I think it's the companion of most working mothers (or maybe all mothers? Not sure about that one).
On one hand, I need to work for financial reasons, and I love the fulfillment, intellectual stimulation, socializing, and growth I get at work. I've always been the type to want structure, and I like that work gives a framework to my week.
On the other hand, time is short and babies grow up SO fast. I worry that I'm missing the essence of my time with her, and that I won't realize that until it's too late.
Sometimes I fantasize about being home all day, about long mornings spent reading books and drinking hot cocoa while the rain pours outside, and afternoons occupied with cooking and baking and (finally) putting up those living room curtains.
But then I remind myself, I don't think ANYONE's life is like that. At least not all the time:)
And other times, I think, "I'm glad I'm not at home full time. I would get lonely and depressed and wonder how to fill my hours." And that's not 100% true either.
That's the tough thing about this life we are given--you only get one shot, and you have to figure it out as you go. I hope I'm making the right decisions. I hope I'm doing what's best for me, for her, and for our family in general. My life is happy and good and full of things I love--but sometimes I still wonder if I've gotten it right.
Tell me, am I the only one? Do YOU struggle with guilt in the decisions you make?