Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Guilt.

Guilt.

It's a heavy word. And honestly, I think it's the companion of most working mothers (or maybe all mothers? Not sure about that one).



On one hand, I need to work for financial reasons, and I love the fulfillment, intellectual stimulation, socializing, and growth I get at work. I've always been the type to want structure, and I like that work gives a framework to my week.

On the other hand, time is short and babies grow up SO fast. I worry that I'm missing the essence of my time with her, and that I won't realize that until it's too late.



Sometimes I fantasize about being home all day, about long mornings spent reading books and drinking hot cocoa while the rain pours outside, and afternoons occupied with cooking and baking and (finally) putting up those living room curtains.

But then I remind myself, I don't think ANYONE's life is like that. At least not all the time:)

And other times, I think, "I'm glad I'm not at home full time. I would get lonely and depressed and wonder how to fill my hours." And that's not 100% true either.



That's the tough thing about this life we are given--you only get one shot, and you have to figure it out as you go. I hope I'm making the right decisions. I hope I'm doing what's best for me, for her, and for our family in general. My life is happy and good and full of things I love--but sometimes I still wonder if I've gotten it right.

Tell me, am I the only one? Do YOU struggle with guilt in the decisions you make?

29 comments:

  1. I don’t know if I’d call it guilt anymore. I do wish I worked less and spent more time with my kids. I definitely feel a bit unbalanced in regard to this. But then again I know God wants me to be working, which gives peace when I’m worried about the time not spent with my kids. I figure, He knows what He’s doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like that approach, Lea--so true!

      Delete
  2. You know, I quit teaching full time when my son was born and became a parent educator doing home visits at night so my husband was home with him. It worked perfectly for us.
    And then my husband had to start traveling full time for work. And my daughter was born, and it just didn't work anymore. I was missing to many home visits because someone was sick or I couldn't find someone to watch the kids.

    But as a SAHM I will say there is some of that great being at home all day doing fun things and seeing those milestones. And then there are some not so great days where I would wish I was leaving the house and working full time to escape.

    And yes, there is mom guilt. I suffer from it quite a bit. Especially when I get into "arguments" with my now ten year old son as he is going out the door to school. And then I am left wishing I could have handled things better. And feel guilt.

    When I would go on home visits though, I always told parents that you have to do what is right for your family and your personal situation. And in that respect there shouldn't be guilt. Our children will love us and cherish us as long as they are loved and cared for. And that is what matters :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. To be a good mother, forget about measuring up, and just practice good mothering. When it comes to mothering, practice never makes perfect. And our kids don't need us to be perfect. They need us to enjoy them, and take pleasure in the act of mothering them so that they can learn that they are enjoyable beings that are worthy of love. Long after the paintings are taken down from the walls, or the Shabbat candles have burned themselves out, this is the message they'll take with them for life.

    http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/546411/jewish/Measuring-Up.htm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love it, Faygie! Thanks!

      Delete
    2. Wow, this is amazing. I think I want to put this up and frame it somewhere I can see it every day "practice good mothering." Love the way that's worded.

      Delete
  4. I think every parent thinks these things.
    The only right thing a parent can do is love their child and listen to them.
    The only advice I have for any parent is to take in every second..as they grow up to fast.
    My girls are 23, 22 and 18. In a blink of an eye, poof they are adults :(

    ReplyDelete
  5. Savour their baby days but not if it makes you financially poor, unhappy and feeling lost. When I had mine it was the "norm" to be a SAHM and life was tough!! Believe me the joy outweighed this as I watched my children grow and I'll never regret that time. Just make sure you spend quality happy time with her when you do get days off and record these for them. That's much more important! Love your Blog btw.

    ReplyDelete
  6. No, you are definitely not the only one, Keshet!! With a 9-year-old and an 11-year-old, I've experienced my fair share of guilt about not measuring up as a mom (not spending enough quality time with them, not being patient enough, etc). But I'm fairly confident that every mom goes through this!

    As for working vs. SAHM moms, I've noticed that the grass is always greener. There are obvious advantages and disadvantages to both. Being a good mom doesn't mean that you are with your child(ren) every waking hour. It's more about the quality time you spend with them when you're together. So just because you're working doesn't mean you are going to miss your baby's milestones!! I have no doubt that you are a great, loving mother!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm right there with you and have at least one swing a year. I am a teacher and feel at least once a year that I give more to my students and school than my own family. All I can say is keeping chatting with God about it. I have found that He helps to bring peace and knowledge to me when I need it most. Good luck and know that you are doing what it best for your family.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so behind on your blog!!!! Uh...yes...I feel that guilt on a daily basis! You are not alone! I just like to think that the limited time together just makes that time even MORE special!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Having JUST switched to the SAHM team from the WOHM team, I can definitely tell you the grass always looks greener on the other side!

    It sounds like you truly enjoy your work, and I bet that makes you a happier person, which in turn makes you a better, more patient mother.

    I used to agonize about this every single day when I went back to work after my 1st baby was born. Now that I'm home full-time, I agonize about not contributing to the family economy. So it really cuts both ways :)

    Just be present with her and *enjoy* her and you won't feel like your missing out.

    A huge part of this was me making peace with her childcare situation. When I could see that she LOVED it, and was learning so much that I couldn't teach her, about getting along with other kids, etc, I realized her time away from me was enriching for her as well.

    Ditch the guilt, mama.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I have been a working MOm and I have been a WAHM or SAHM or some combination of the two for many years and I can honestly tell you that either way there is always Mommy guilt. If you are working it's am I spending enough time and if you aren't it's am I making my kids too dependent and on and on and on. I am convinced that you will always have guilt on some level....it's what we Moms do.

    ReplyDelete
  11. vimax asli Canada is a vital tool import drug lords are able to make your penis big, long, hard and permanent. Canada vimax natural herbal products are very effective and efficacious to overcome the problem of adult men already proven in Europe. vimax canada can add substantial length and girth in the girth of the penis, With an easy and inexpensive way you will feel the magic obat pembesar penis produced by drug vimax first .Tahap perceived effect of each consumer is different, there is a direct to pembesar penis there is also a first kestamina

    ReplyDelete
  12. I say many thanks for the info you provide to increase knowledge

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for sharing your favorite resources. I have two kids who will benefit from me having comprehension questions readily available.
    cara menggugurkan kehamilan
    obat menggugurkan kandungan
    obat telat datang bulan
    obat aborsi cytotec

    ReplyDelete
  14. This blog is so nice to me. I will continue to come here again and again. Visit my link as well.
    Good luck.
    Obat Penggugur Kandungan

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice post and keep always update, i like your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  16. the article is very helpful to me. I like your article. I wait for the next article
    Cara Menggugurkan Kandungan

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment! I love hearing your thoughts:)