Monday, February 14, 2011

Changes


A few weeks ago, S started a new job.

A new job with longer hours and more stress, but better pay and more opportunities. It's been an adjustment for both of us. He has to balance the things he likes to take care of at home with the unpredictability of work.

On my end, I have to get used to being on my own more. (I've rented Sex and the City 2 on itunes toward that end. Just in case.) Last week, I went grocery shopping for all of the items needed for Shabbos--which I haven't done since 2007. Literally:) I walked in circles looking for the eggs until my friend Shaina magically appeared to help me out.

And the hardest, scariest change is knowing that we'll probably have much less time together in the few years to come. That dinners will be eaten alone more often, and dates will be canceled. I hope the fun that we share will continue with the same frequency.

I hope we'll always stay as connected as we are now.

But instead of worrying (although I do my share of that), I try to focus on action. Turning away from the computer and the to-do list and toward S so that when he's home, we spend some time really together. And I also have the comfort of knowing that no matter what a given week is like, Friday evening will roll around and the rest of the world will fade away (blackberries turned off, phone off the ringer....) and it will be just me and him and the candles burning. Every single week.

This Valentine's Day, how are YOU staying connected?

24 comments:

  1. my husband started going to school full time in January and its been a hard transition. School from 7-12, then at the library until 6 or 8, then sometimes homework till 1 or 2 in the morning. I feel your pain.
    I've been doing the same, focusing on him when his is available and doing things I love when he isn't. Best of luck with the adjustments! I'm here if you want to chat!

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  2. I feel ya, honey! My husband and I have worked opposite shifts since 2005. I have 4 nights alone and then 2 with him, plus weekend mornings together. I definitely spend more quality time with him when we are together than I did before the scheduling conflicts from work started.

    I know that you will be able to do the same. You have a kind heart and I know that you will find peace in your alone time and cherish those moments when you are together. The balance will come, I promise.

    Funny part... when DH has time off and is hanging around the house during the times I usually would be alone, he drives me crazy! :) LOL!

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  3. Sweet picture, Keshet. Did you use digi scrapping supplies for that? S works a really stressful, long-hour job as well and goes to Tulane for his MBA two times a week. I just try to think of how good it will be for us in the future, and that the sacrifices we make now will totally make up for it later. Happy Valentines Day! <3 ya!

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  4. love your picture and what valentine's day? LOL. We were the only two at the Body Pump class who are a couple, the regular couples otherwise attend the class faithfully were all missing. Not us, work out more important than dates! lol.

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  5. changes are always hard, but it will work out for the good ;o) may your time together by joyful and fun! my hubby goes to work at 3.30am, comes home and sleeps and then goes to bed by 7pm! hehe you will cope and figure it all out xx

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  6. My husband is an airline pilot. That means he's away from home 3-5 nights a week. It's tough to get used to the alone time, but it can be rewarding, too. I love to work on organizing and cleaning projects while he's gone so he can come home and see all the progress -- and then give me license to just hang out with him for three days instead of working on projects around the house. :)

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  7. speaking as someone whose husband is gone a lot, you can do it, keshet! i know you can!

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  8. Such a sweet picture.
    I think most families should be turning off the cells and just spend it together, thats not a bad thing ;)

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  9. My husband has been working out of town during the week, so I know it can be rough and lonely but you just have to make more of an effort to make it quality time when you do get to spend time together. Hang in there! It will be fine. :)

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  10. When the boy started working late, we started exchanging silly photos on our phones. It worked out really well, because now I have a ton of photos of the both of us. One thing I found that has worked for me, is when he's gone for an extended period of time, and I find myself doing things alone that we'd usually do together--I keep a running list of comments or things that I would have told him or wanted to talk about. Its working out well :)

    Either way, I'm sure you will figure out the best things for you to do! Changes are scary, but often lead to the most wonderful things:)

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  11. My husband and I have been married over 30 years and have worked opposite times of the day for most of those 30 years. The days and the nights we spend together are that much more special. But I too get a little crazy when the days fall that we spend too much time together. It's crazy. Want him there when he's not but if he's there too much, I want my quiet time. My kids are grown and I appreciate the silence these days

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  12. i love that photo, Keshet! Mine is in Moscow right now.. :)

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  13. Sending hugs! Such a cute photo of the two of you!

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  14. I hear you friend. My husband is in the Air Force and it's hard when he's away. He's getting ready to deploy in March and it will be the longest he's been away in a year. I'm a little nervous, but I know I'll be ok. It will take some time on your end, but you'll find your groove and start getting used to the schedules. Stay strong!

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  15. What an adorable photo of the two of you!!! Hang in there, change is always difficult to adjust to. Hugs to you!

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  16. My bf and I work seperate hours too. I work as a schoolteacher and he has his own pub. So that means that he is at work when I'm home in the evening. We close the pub on Sunday and that's OUR day!!! We hang out together, sleep in, watch movies, go for a walk, eat out, ... I'm sure you'll be able to find a good balance for both of you.

    ps: Any luck on the baby stuff?

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  17. Keshet, I can relate. My husband coaches water polo, and late nights and weekends away are part of the package. I'm not going to lie, it can be very hard. But, like you, we focus on being wholly present when we are together, and it helps. Good luck! :)

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  18. You will find a way to balance everything and learn to cherish the times you have together more.

    Absolutely love that pic of you two. Very sweet!!!!

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  19. love this. if you both make the commitment, it will all come together. =)

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  20. things always have a way of working themselves out...you'll adjust and tweak and it will be your new "normal". hugs!

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  21. First - congrats to your hubby on the new job!
    Second - well, really, this should be FIRST...family ALWAYS comes first. Glad to see you're focusing on him when you have time together! They say it's easy to fall in love...much harder to stay in love. Spending quality time together whenever possible is always a good thing! xoxox

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  22. What a heartfelt blog post - My heart goes out to you guys. lots of hugs coming your way - congrats to the hubby on the new job though - that's pretty cool!

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  23. Wow, what a touching post. Bless your heart, change(even when it's for a good reason) can be tough. Good for you for trying to prep yourself and thinking of ways to be "in the moment" with each other. Goodness-I almost forgot to say congrats to your hubby on the new job!

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