1. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. Now, I am a strictly "8 hours of uninterrrupted sleep a night" kind of gal. And while I realized that was not going to happen once Bunny comes along, I did not realize it would start with pregnancy! After several days of trying to manage work, job interviews, catch-up from vacation, and running the house on 4 or 5 hours of sleep, I'm a little cranky. And then I feel guilty for being cranky, as if the fact that I wanted this baby so badly means I never get to feel the side effects of pregnancy. But I think, deep down, I do feel guilty, I do feel that I want this so much, I should love the fact that I'm tossing and turning all night and edging S out of the bed with my ginormous body pillow. So the cycle continues....
2. I tend to get stressed about getting things done that don't really matter all that much. Like going through my enormous pile of post-its accumulated over the past few weeks. Or organizing my Things list. Or cleaning my bathtub (although maybe that really does matter, ha!) I wish I could spend more time on the long-lasting things in life and less time just trying to get from day to day.
3. I haven't even had the kid, and I already worry about how I will balance pursuing my own dreams and being the mother I want to be. Jury's out on this one, and probably will be for a while.
4. I wish S was home for dinner more the past few weeks. But I'm so grateful for his job at the same time.
5. I wish I had more confidence in myself. That has been the single most present battle in my life.
6. I wish I wasn't always so worried about something happening to this baby.
7. I am so amazed and grateful to be 18 weeks today. If not for the belly, I really wouldn't believe it. Sometimes I think about how I would have felt if I could see a photo of myself today a year ago, and how much peace it would have brought me. Today is a good day.
So there's my reality today. If you did a post like this, please link me--I'd love to see.
oh keshet - big hugs to you! i relate to so many of your thoughts and feelings...like worrying about your baby (although mine are 9 and 15).
ReplyDeleteAnd I just have to say that "I LOVED MY BODY PILLOW!" BEST THING EVER!!!
Hey Keshet - I feel you - I had difficult pregnancies with lots of worries and worked full time as a lawyer the whole time - being self employed there was no maternity leave. So my son will be 10 soon & in retrospect I would have told myself to worry less ( I know that's a tough one ); to write down my feelings more in my scrapbooks, journals or blog ( looks like you have this one down ); say goodbye to sleep - but try to get some & eat healthy & exercise everyday - it's a great stress reliever & will actually give you more energy; AND when you find yourself being hard on yourself because you feel you aren't living up to what you think you should be in your various roles - and I'm guessing you will have these moments - I still do - but mentally / internally give yourself a break & pretend you are your own best friend giving yourself advice - or even mor effective is to give yourself advice pretending that you are your own mom! And listen to some music that makes you happy. You are in for an amazing ride - enjoy it :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you were expecting! Big congratulations!!!! And you know, I had many of the same fears/worries when I was pregnant with my first-born. (Also agree with the comment above - body pillow - YES!)
ReplyDeleteYou are, like all of us, a bit hard on yourself :) take care!
ReplyDeleteOh dear, even in my third pregnancy I was worried-sick about the baby. I don't think you can do anything about it. :)
ReplyDeleteOh keshet I just adore you. And I know I already told you but I'm over the moon happy for you. :) and I am riiiight with you on numbers 2&5.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! As far as no.3. I've been struggling with that one for 5 years. I don't know if we ever figure that one out. But I'm still employed and my kids love me and want to be with me so I think I'm doing okay...
ReplyDeleteI am SO with you on 5! I am sure everything will be fine with the little one and you will be a great mother! And life will just work out on it's own. :)
ReplyDeletehttp://mitralee.blogspot.com/2011/09/reflections-and-page.html
ReplyDeleteThanks for a great post. I followed your lead.
And yes, a body pillow is the best. So is the middle of the bed if you can convince the hubby to sleep elsewhere! ;-)
this is good stuff Keshet. Very real. and aren't we all in the same boat in so many ways. different color maybe,but same boat.
ReplyDeleteyep keshet .... but i hate to tell you .... the worry never ends ! it goes with the territory of being a mom! but you'll survive it for sure .... wear any wrinkles it gives you with pride!
ReplyDeletelovely post. I enjoyed reading. hugs to you and I hope you get some peaceful sleep soon.
ReplyDelete=)
am so happy for you...congrats! and it does work out despite our worrying minds...:):)
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing your heart, Keshet! I'm so thrilled for you that you are expecting. I struggle a lot with guilt these days myself. i love being a mama more than anything in this world but hard days and weeks can take their toll on anyone.
ReplyDeleteBrave post Keshet. Being a mother & following your own dreams is hard. It's the most selfless thing you'll ever do & it never ends - you have to give up on some dreams but the pay off is worth it :)
ReplyDeletegreat post. :) i'm so happy for you guys!!
ReplyDeleteit's so hard to sleep when you're preggers eh? I went through the same thing - I knew that once I had the baby it would be no sleep but didn't realize when I was waiting for the babe it would be the same thing! I guess just our bodies way of getting ready in a way.
ReplyDelete*hugs* hang in there... i know you can't help it sometime.. but try and relax and not think too much. enjoy the pregnancy as much as you can..
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